Peggy Lee Used To Kill For The CIA

Then New York Times is not the only one who can give out government secrets. Fever! I've been a little under the weather lately. Loopy on Nyquil that is. But soon, I'll be presenting some cogent arguments about the flag-burning amendments. But for now; Shapes!

Nothing for #6

No post-lab today.

What Space Battle Would We Win?

Ever running through the blackness of night, the White Ninja fights for right!



The evil space clown doesn't care; he live to cause a man despair!

YOU be the judge!

When posting pictures of people, I have been using the traditional black bar to obscure the eyes so as to protect the identities of the innocent. (and the Canadian). For example, the following is a scuffed up photograph I found on the sidewalk yesterday:




But what if we did something a little different?





Sure, it's creepy. What do YOU think?


(Note: we had another version but didn't use it because someone is a whiny-pants.)

Views and Reviews

I like TV.

Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function

And the sign said "All you long-haired freaky people, need not apply."



So I tucked up my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask him why.

Another blogging post-mod-meta-post

Note: If you make it through the boring part, there's some satanic stuff near the end...

Here's another blogging rule:

Try not to steal too much.

Now, I've stolen a picture or two. I'll get something from another web page to photoshop, or even use outright a goofy picture from Yahoo's "Most e-mailed photos." And I stole Noop's imaginary friend. But for the most part, the photos here come from my cell-phone camera and the drawings I do myself. If I had to run this stuff by a copyright lawyer I don't think I'd have to take down more than 8 pictures.

So, as a general blog rule, stuff you make yourself is better.

OK then. Why am I boring you with this? (Are my 45 seconds up?)

Take a look at this link: (via Drudge)

"Dude Blames Satan for Everything"

Ah...a heartwarming story about an insane idiot that could be fodder for its own post.

But go back for a second and look at the picture. And look at the credit. "Google.com"

There are lots of companies that make and sell pictures for commercial websites to use. Google is not one of them. Google is a website you might use if you want to steal pictures instead of paying for them. (Note: I do not hold Google responsible in the least. You might also use Google to find legitimate sources for pictures. It is merely a powerful tool and for this purpose morally neutral.)

It's one thing if Rinky-dinky-Clinky steals pictures, we're pretty much the opposite of a commercial website. But a full-on TV station website, with ads and people who work there, they shouldn't be stealing, and if they are, they shouldn't be stupid enough to credit the stolen picture to Google.

High School Hi-Jinks!

When I was in about 7th grade, me and this other kid ("Hoagie?") were in science class together. We were smart-ass trouble makers. We also happened to be the only two Jews in the class. When one of the big Jewish holidays came around (Torah Day, I think) the teacher asked who was going to be absent. When me and G_____ raised our hands the teacher didn't believe us and scheduled the mid-term exam.

What we did today

Mom and dad at the main branch of the Brooklyn Public Library.

Happy Tree

Park Slope, Brooklyn!

Headline of the day

Wait for it...

Click here!

Look Who's In Brooklyn!

My Mom:



My Dad:



They are visiting from the midwest!

Support the troops

Just a reminder, if you enjoy "Clinky, the Boy Robot" you might also enjoy

I AIN'T NO OPRAH!

Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud!

Who is that super-hero?

Is it Sarge?

No...

Is it Rosemarie, the telephone operator?

No...

Is it Henry, the mild-mannered environmentalist presidential candidate?

Could be...

It's more important to look good than to feel good.

You walk into a neighborhood cafe. You order something to drink to take away. Maybe a nice iced coffee. And the nice lady brings it to you with the straw already in it. But wait! The straw is not completely unwrapped! There is still a "protective sheath" on the top! You are completely protected from any potential contamination of your beverage.

This continues to irritate me. Just unwrap the damn straw. Leave providing the appearance of safety instead of actual safety to the Department of Homeland Security.

Me and my imaginary friend.

Then, this one time, "Hoagie" and I bought a duck for $100. It was wearing a red hat. Then we waited in a car outside the Four Seasons for Mick Jagger to come out. When we saw him, we let the duck go, and while Mick was distracted by the duck "Hoagie" went up and grabbed his ass.

Today On Other Pages

I Apologize In Advance

Everyone, I guess, has a phrase or song lyric that strikes you as wrong. Some people have several. One of mine is the phrase "Last Best Hope." You hear it often, most recently in the subtitle of conservative douchebag Bill Bennett's new book. Here's what I don't understand. If a scheme, or idea, or institution is, in fact, the best hope of accomplishing something, then why do we save it for last? Why did we try our least promising prospects first? "OK men, we've got two ways we can do this. One is the best hope, we'll save it for last, the other is, frankly, our stupidest hope. We'll try that one first."

I don't believe in a "Last hope" anyway. It's kind of an oxymoron, the whole point of hope is to keep trying. Maybe our best hope didn't pan out, but now let's try "It's a crazy idea, but it just might work!" There's always hope.

And speaking of conservative douchebag Bill Bennett, why is it that "douchebag" is an insult? I can understand why a term like "asshole" is insulting, it implies that you smell of poo. But a douchebag performs a noble, cleansing service, and is generally considered to be a benign item. (Although this government website disagrees.) Why isn't toenail clipper an insult?

OK then. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Skeleton Pony

I Weel Crush Your Head

I went to see the Long Island Roller Rebels vs. the Boston Roller Derby Dames out in Bethpage with K_____, A__ and A_____. The Boston team seemed to be stronger skaters. The final score was 165-62. That is, Boston scored one hundred and sixty-five points and Long Island scored sixty-two. Toward the very end a couple of fights broke out, so I was glad we didn't leave after the second period.



There was at least one photographer there, who should have pictures of everything (including the fisticuffs).



Also at the Roller Derby:

Tattooed "Goth" Chicks


The Human Zamboni


Banana wearing a cape

This is why we don't kayak.

Cleaning out my cell phone camera.

A car carrier full of hearses.


Filming notice near Penn Station, NYC


Artwork made from food packaging outside the Key Foods in Park Slope, Brooklyn


A diorama inside the Indianapolis, Indiana World War Memorial Museum


Torrid Plus Sizes, Palisades Mall

News Roundup

Always remember to set the parking brake on a hill. And always wear your seat belt. Note that this article is classified on the WNBC website as a "Traffic" story.

Meanwhile, in education news, some kids are in trouble for parking on the roof.

In New Jersey, a girl fell off a cliff onto some train tracks.

So if you decide to take the subway instead, don't worry, they caught the guy who was running around stabbing people. Or did they?

In Entertainment: Superman is Jesus. I always thought Superman was a Jew. (Siegel? Shuster?)...Wait a tic...Jesus was a Jew! So there you go. Oh, and Superman is Gay also.

And here's one that is not only from my home town, but with boobies!

And I can't find a link to a story, but according to Channel 2, police in Brooklyn have apprehended a flasher. He tried to escape in a car, but crashed and was caught with no pants and a BB gun.

None of this is meant to be funny. At all.

Tonight's news is sponsored by Home Depot.

What Was That?

The previous post, or, if you're reading down from newest to oldest, the next post, is apparently ripped off from JoeCartoon.com. which is full of similar funny cartoons. Who knew? (With a "k," dumbass.)

It's...

Today's Yearbook Corrections

Yearbook editors in the tri-state area are having all sorts of problems.

In Phillipsburg New Jersey, you can see a girl's underpants.

Click here to read all about it!

In Northport, New York, the kids are quoting Hitler.

Click Here!

For Extra Credit:

I use the phrase "tri-state area" above, which, here in New York City means New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. Aside from news articles, this phrase is often used by weathermen presenting the regional weathermap. When I was growing up, I lived in Kansas City, Missouri. Our local meteorological region included four states, not three; Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska and Iowa. So our weatherman referred to the "four-state" area rather than the "tri-state area." But I always thought he (and the one I remember most is Fred Broski, who also hosted the local "Bowling for Dollars," which my mom competed in once), I always thought he was saying "fore-state" area, like "foreground," meaning, of course, the states closest to us, of which there only happened to be four.

I Put A Spell On You

Sunday night, at work, we had Atomic Wings. G_____(you know her better as the “Mystery Woman”) had twenty. This sounds impressive, but she actually only took about one bite out of each one. The psychological effect of the spicy, greasy, bleu-cheesy food may have been what prompted her to ask “Why haven’t you written about that Ann Coulter in your blog-thing?”

So, against my better judgment, we’ve got a few words about the lovely spokeswoman for the far right, Ann Coulter. This will, of course, require some harsh language, so send the kids to bed early.



You say Ann Coulter went on TV and said something mean. Oh, gosh. Next you’ll be telling me that Hillary Clinton went on TV and said something politically self-serving. But of course. Ann Coulter is the Gay Wedding or Flag Burning of the left wing. She’s something that hack politicians can get outraged over, that gets the “base” worked up, but that has really no effect on most people’s everyday lives, and you really can’t do anything about.

At this point I have to digress about a couple of items in the previous paragraph. First, the hate-filled legislation against gay marriage does affect gay people, and I was actually hesitant about using it as an example. But it fits the profile because, really, contrary to what Bill Bennett says, two men kissing has absolutely no impact on the lives of anyone who isn’t on the guest list. And yes, they can’t do anything about it. Ten years from now we’ll look back and people will be ashamed of themselves. They’re here, they’re gay, let them get married already.

And when we talk about a political “base,” what I think we mean is those people who are whole-heartedly devoted to their “side,” the “hard-core,” be it conservative or liberal. I also like to think of them as idiots. Think for yourselves people; decide on your own what’s important to you and don’t just check all the names in one column of the ballot. Read a newspaper once in a while.

OK then. Back to Ann. (Who, by the way, does appeal very much to the conservative “base.”) I’m not going to argue, or refute anything that she’s said. Partly because every single other person to the left of noted douchebag Rick Santorum has already done so. But mostly because Ann is like an oozing pit of black tar (only, I guess, pasty white instead of pitch black). You can’t win an argument with her. Because not only is she whip-smart, but once you get down in it, you get all covered with sticky tar. You’re stuck. It’s a level of discourse that hovers above rationality.

It’s been a week of shock and dismay, over, I guess she is not keen on some of the 9/11 widows. Oh, Ann Coulter you sly minx. It’s all been said. But who in the news last week disgusted me the most, staring angrily from the cover of the New York Daily News? You make me sad Hillary Clinton. Because Ann Coulter, she is what she is. She’s the scorpion on the back of the frog. She says oh, terrible, terrible things that shock people, but that’s her role. But the proper response is to just let Kathy Griffin ask why she’s wearing a cocktail dress at 8 in the morning on the “Today” show. Hillary, as a senator and presidential contender, you should be talking about Foreign Policy, or the economy, the deficit, or something of substance. Not refereeing a cat-fight.

I’m not going to argue with Ann Coulter. Every time someone goes on TV and tells us how evil she is, she sells another 10,000 books. So I say this to her, “That’s very nice.” and just keep walking. Because really, deep down inside, I really just want to be the man who makes her say “I can’t believe I’m fucking a Jew!”

(column ends abrubtly)

Everybody Was Kung-fu Fighting

This was one of my favorite cartoons as a young boy. Scatman Crothers rules!

Restrooms of New York

This is a picture of a sign posted on the restroom of a popular New York bar.

Baby, Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me...

On the subway tonight I saw a woman whose baby had pierced ears. I do not think this is a good thing.



What if a train came by and the baby's earing got snagged on it? That would be horrible.

Puppy Attack

If you are at all squeamish, especially in regard to animals, small animals, do not read any further.

Really. Because we're going to be discussing dead puppies. So if you don't want to hear it, skip this entry.

OK then.

In today's news a woman in Missouri attacked another woman with a dead puppy. Read the link. See for yourself.

But what I find interesting is that it was a Chihuahua. Four weeks old. And sickly. A Chihuahua is barely the size of a rat to begin with. So a baby Chihuahua couldn't have been any bigger than a fieldmouse. So was she swinging it by it's tiny tail? It would be like swinging an uncooked bratwurst. Or did she hold it inside her fist like a roll of quarters? Because if she did that it could get squished and you'd have puppy smoosh all over your hand.

What I'm saying is that as a weapon, a dead Chihuahua puppy is about on par with a squirt gun or soft pillows.

One time, though, I dropped a 245 lb. Siberian Husky on a dude. Or did I?

Update!: Then there's this front page story fron the New York Post.

Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!

I am not the music editor of Time Out: New York.

It seems that Beenie Man's new album will be in stores on August 29.



Of course, Ghostface Killah's "Fishscale" is on sale now.

One and a Half Tic-Tacs

TicTacs are originally from Turin, Italy. Torino, Italia.

Attention!

This is the most important web site in the world. Read it every day.

Attacked by Ducks

I'm taking the easy shot.

Sure, finding something stupid in a local news promo is like shooting cheese in a barrel. But who doesn't love a barrel of cheese.

In a promo for a local news cast tonight, the newscaster promised the story of a young girl who "saved her sister from certain death."

"Certain death" means there's no saving. Death is certain. You can save someone from "Almost Certain Death," or "Near Certain Death," or "99% Certain Death," but if you're in a situation that is truly considered "Certain Death" then you can't be saved. It's certain.

This one is for the copyeditors.

I'm building a space plane.

Apparently, Scientology has a race car. (via Drudge)

But it is not the only religion to have the NASCAR fever:



Plus:

If you're interested in stock car racing, buy this movie:
Rookies at the Road!

I'm not really building a space plane.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Later, Downtown, Way Downtown...

At about 10:30 last night, I was fixing to get on the 2 or 3 train at the Wall St. station. Across the street, people were filing out of the Spring Party of the Americas Society at Cipriani Wall St. People in tuxes and evening gowns were waiting for their limos:



But wait! There's more! Around the corner, they're shooting "Spiderman 3!"



It's not that great a picture, but those bright lights; they're movie lights!

If you live in New York, you've almost certainly had the the experience of having to go around the block because of a movie shooting. You're walking along, on your way to the store, and an underpaid movie production assistant with a headset tells you that none shall pass. For me it's part of the trade-offs of living in NYC. Tom Cruise's wife's house in "War of the Worlds" is around the corner from my apartment. So I've got that going for me...

So, last night I had the excellent experience of watching the movie assistants repeatedly telling the rich dudes in tuxes that they would have to walk around the block. And that sorry, those lit-up cabs there were movie cabs. Heh. One woman though, not from the party, she was coming out of the subway, was having none of if though. She argued with the movie assistant for a few seconds and then just walked on down the blocked off street. So remember, they're just movie assistants; they're not armed, and really have no legal authority.

Land of Shoes

Walking about town today, I saw some shoes.

On a newspaper box:



In a newspaper box:



A shoe in the road:

Driving Through Kansas

Mystery Woman

Is you is, or is you ain't, my baby?

Words have power. I guess. But lately people forget that words have to have definitions. We have to agree on what a word, or phrase, means, to have a meaningful discussion. Does anyone remember what the definition of is is?

The word or phrase for this week, or actually last week, is "running up the score." It sounds bad. But what does it really mean? A while ago, some dudes in Connecticut thought it would be a good idea to suspend any high-school football coach who's team won by more than 50 points. Because "running up the score" is bad.

So what does "running up the score" mean? Does it not mean scoring as many points as you possibly can? This shows that I really don't know anything about sports. Because I always thought that one of the main values of sports was to try your hardest. To score as many points as you can.

Now, one of the arguments in favor of this rule is that the evil coaches that are running up the points are also not letting the second string play. They want to win by as much as possible so Rudy the perpetual benchwarmer never gets to play. But, like most idiotic rules, this one also has the opposite effect as intended. Because if the first string from Metropolis High can get 50 points ahead of Smallville high, it's very likely that their second, and even third string guys are going to better as well. So in the second have, the subs get to play, but, in order to avoid having their coach suspended, they have to not play. Fourth string quarterback, first time he gets to play all year, but he's got to fall on the ball.

The whole point of this rule, I can only guess, is to avoid hurting the feelings of the losing team. But I can't think of anything more insulting, more demeaning to your opponent than to stop trying.

So, getting back to meanings and definitions; if you're running up the score, that means you're scoring as many points as you can. So if we're saying, don't run up the score, we're saying don't score as many points as you can.

I remember seeing the movie "Eight Men Out." It was about arguably the worst scandal in sports history. Some baseball players "shaved points" in the World Series. This was a very bad thing. "Shaving points" is when you don't score as many points as you can. You might still win, in fact, players that shave points justify it to themselves by still winning, but you just don't score as many points as you can.

In Connecticut, high school football teams are required to shave points.

I really must not know anything about sports.

Hey Look! A Dead Bird!

Here's a picture I took:

Are you a teacher?

Here at Clinky the Boy Robot, education is very important. So here's an idea for art teacher to do with your art classes:

Buy some magnetic sheet material, like the stuff they use to make signs that stick to the sides of trucks.

Here's a link, or you can Google "Magnetic Sheets." It's not hugely expensive.

Then, you can cut it into painting-sized sheets and have kids do paintings on it. Then they take it home, and instead of having to take a magnet from some valuable coupons to stick the painting to the refrigerator, the painting IS the magnet! You could use it to hold up even more coupons!

Angry Robot

OK Then...

Someone e-mailed me this link.

Wait, Wait, Don't Go Yet!

I'm told, (and sadly did not do so myself), that if you go to see the new X-Men movie, that you should stay till the end of the credits.

"I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!"

The Go Go Dancers of Nepal

Harper's Magazine is 7$

There are some magazines I read regularly, and some that I pick up once in a while. And I also try new magazines sometimes, and I sometimes pick up an issue of a magazine if an article looks interesting or it's got a good cover. So I picked up the current issue of "Harper's" to see what Art Spiegelman has to say about the Danish Cartoon Controversy from last February. (I guess they've got a long lead time.) And when I got to the counter, it was $6.95. Now, it's not a big deal, I can afford it, and I'm really not bothered by a couple of dollars one way or another, but it just seems a little high for a standard sized 100-paged magazine.

I also picked up "The L Magazine"; it's free, it has more interesting articles than you'd think, and it looks like they're perfect binding it and printing the inside in color as of the new issue ("The Summer Preview.")

Simon Conjurer Returns Again!

Back on May 6, I wrote about a movie called "The Legend of Simon Conjurer." It played at the Times Square AMC Theater for a week and seemed to be done.

But no! According to the movie's web site, apparently the "NYC Premiere" was yesterday, June 2, at the Village East Theater. And Jon Voight was supposed to be there! But now it's too late. And unless you're reading this Saturday morning, you'll miss his appearances today. According to the web site:

"Mr. Voight will be holding two autograph sessions in NYC. These are separate from the screenings and will just be for promotional purposes only. On Saturday June 3rd, Jon will be at the Angelika Film Center (18 W Houston St) from 4:30pm-6:00pm signing autographs for fans. He will then move to the Village East Theatre (181 2nd Avenue between 11th and 12th St) to sign more autographs from 6:30pm-8:00pm."

Now, according to "Fandango" the movie is not actually playing at the Angelica. It is playing at the Village East. So everyone, go see it. This week.

Everything is exactly what it is.

Here's a weird and horrible story:

There's a horrible accident involving a vanload of college kids. Some are killed. A girl named Whitney is apparently buried. Another girl, "Laura," lies in a coma for weeks. Her family is at her side, praying and caring for her. "Laura" begins to come out of her coma. But she seems confused. Slowly it becomes apparent that "Laura" is actually Whitney, and Whitney's parents actually buried Laura.

So after weeks of bedside vigil, Laura's parents find out their daughter is dead. And after believing their daughter is dead for 4 weeks, Whitney's parents find out she is alive. Some times you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

(Not a dream! Not a hoax! Not an imaginary story!)

This begs the question, is this a "happy" ending, a "sad" ending, or a wash? One family loses, one wins. But were the 4 weeks of hope (albeit false) for the family of the girl who died a good thing or a bad thing? Likewise, the girl who lived, it would have been the worst 4 weeks of her parents lives, but then, of course, the happiest.

I guess what we can get out of this is a good story to tell your parents if you want to get a tatoo...

And that's the way it is.

How many great headlines can be in one CNN.com homepage's "Latest News?"

"Dog handler guilty of Abu Ghraib abuse"

"Killer needs sex change or he'll die, doc says"

"Woman jailed for hiding child groom"

"Death boat drifts from Africa to Barbados"

"Muslim girl says teacher made fun of her scarf"

"Giant venomous weed burns woman, scars boy"

And, best of all:

"New Batwoman is a lesbian"

Gun beats everything.

During my recent trip to Vermont, G_____, G_____, M_____ and I were out to the Dairy Creme. G and I were arguing about who would pay Not in the cheap bastard way; we each insisted on paying. We commenced to a quick "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

And then I panicked, and I proffered not a closed fist ("Rock"), an open hand ("Paper"), or and extended two fingers ("Scissors.") I instead pointed my thumb and forefinger like a pistol. I had not intended to do this, but quickly justified it, claiming "Gun beats everything!" Heh.

And then, today on BoingBoing I saw this:

The RPS-25!