Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Secret Code

Emster bentogy man "Gloggy Sentello;" mel sundossen dento srega, "Debotto Senorgy," a 965 Eggy Dotrum, Dancy, Nobottom. Ba klemster oso marchikant.

Heh heh.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Who is Fred Broski?

Click Here for an interesting article about the early life of Fred Broski.

No, really.

Two Unrelated Stories

Story 1. A Thanksgiving Miracle.

So, I spent Thanksgiving day at the home of my friends P_____ and K_____. We have another friend C______, who works at the same place P and I do. (I is me, not an initial.) C could not make it on Thanksgiving day, but would be at their house the following day.

P and K's house sits right on the Hudson river, and there's a ramp with a little inlet there. On Thursday, it had been raining, the river was high, and, as sometimes happens, a large driftwood log had gotten stuck in the inlet. I like to be a helpful guest, so I got a piece of rope, snagged the log and dragged it out to float away down the river.

"I'd like to see C do that," I said as I went back in the house.

Well, it turns out the next day, after I had left, C ended up doing the same thing. Dragging a log, with a rope, out of the inlet.

I was talking to C at work today, and the subject of the logs came up, and I said "Well I'm sure my log was much bigger."

"No way. My log was huge."

"There's no way your log was bigger than mine."

We called P.

"Whose log was bigger?"

"You'll have to ask K. She's the one who really got a good look at both logs."

We haven't heard from K yet. Or from the guy who sits in the cube next to C's.

Story 2. Unrelated to the above.

About 20 years ago, I was in a movie theater lobby. A couple was standing nearby, looking at posters of upcoming movies. The woman said to the man, after seeing a particular poster, "Karate Kid 2!? Is nothing sacred?"

I thought to myself "Yeah, I guess if only one thing could remain sacred it would be the Karate Kid."

That woman probably had a stroke when they made Hilary Swank "The Next Karate Kid"

Wax on. Wax off...

Note To Commenters:

Please don't leave the comment "I heard that same conversation coming out of the Men's Room."

Nobody talks about the Karate Kid in the Men's Room. It is at least that sacred.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Thanksgiving: Worst Case Scenario

Someone put friggin' Scalia in the mashed potatoes!

Don't get it? Click Here to see which whiny pair of girl's underpants I'm making fun of...I mean empathizing with...

"Egg Veins This."

Thursday, November 23, 2006


Please cut out these black bars and place them over the eyes of the girls two posts down...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Name Of My Vexation

In this post I write of the changing traffic patterns in Times Square. Apparently, the new traffic pattern has a name.

Either that or Times Square is closed off so that we can all learn a new dance in time for New Year's Eve.

What about these two?

They insist on being photographed in soft focus.

Here's what I'm thankful for...

I'm going to Spain next week.

Not permanently. Just visiting.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A few years from now...

But apparently sooner than we thought.

In black and white today.

Monday, November 20, 2006

This is wrong.

I blacked out in front of my computer and when I woke up this picture was posted. I don't know who the girl is, or why she has the Wolverine's haircut and sideburns, or why she's next to a giant bunny and dog and other animals.

I think maybe the original picture comes from here.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Unlucky in "Seven," Lucky in Escape

(In which we ruin the endings of a couple of movies, that you should have seen already anyway.)

If your character dies in the movie "The Magnificent Seven," then you get to get out of Germany in "The Great Escape." (Coburn, Bronson)

If your character survives in "The Magnificent Seven," you get sent back to the cooler in "The Great Escape." (McQueen)

If your character is decapitated in "Se7en," you get to be one of "The Royal Tenenbaums." (Paltrow)

If you go blind and get shot in "The Great Escape," you get to be the President and "Escape From New York." (Pleasence)

If you get killed in "Escape from New York," you get killed on "South Park." (Isaac Hayes)

If you get killed on "South Park," you get to come back again week after week. (Kenny)

If you get to "Escape from New York," you survive if you're in the original "Poseidon Adventure," (Borgnine), but die if you're in the remake. (Russell)

If you die in the original "Poseidon Adventure," you also get to be one of "The Royal Tenenbaums." (Hackman)

If you play "M" in "Casino Royale" (Sorry, the 1967 version)(John Huston), your daughter gets to be one of "The Royal Tenenbaums." (Anjelica Huston)

If you play "Vesper Lynd" in "Casino Royale" (1967), you also play "Honey Ryder" in "Dr. No" (Ursula Andress)

If you play "James Bond" in "Casino Royale" (2006), or "The Hulk", or one of "The Pirates of the Carribean," you get to be an avenging Jew in Steven Spielberg's "Munich" (Daniel Craig, Eric Bana, Geoffrey Rush)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Wha Hoppen?

So, if you were one of the few people who was watching that tv show "Smith" on CBS, before it got cancelled, you probably want to know how it would have turned out. That's what sucks about these cerealized shows, if they get cancelled halfway through a story line, you're screwed. Or if you forget to bring home milk.

Anyway, CBS has been good enough to put the rest of the shows they made, but didn't show, on their website. If you have a high-speed internet connection you can watch them on your computer. And they've put up detailed plot synopses of the rest of the episodes that they didn't make, completing the story.

NBC is finishing "Kidnapped" this way as well, with a new episode online every Friday.

And I guess ABC hasn't cancelled "Lost" yet. It's just resting.

Here are some other shows that you can see for free on the internet:
CSI: Miami
The Class
How I Met Your Mother
The Unit
3 lbs
Grey's Anatomy
Desperate Housewives
Ugly Betty
Six Degrees
The Nine
Friday Night Lights
30 Rock
Studio 60
Las Vegas!
Prison Break
The Loop?
(*You can't watch the Fox shows on a Mac. That, and they're putting OJ on tv. Bastards.)

I'm not talking about shows you can pay to download on iTunes here. These are free, just go to the network websites.

And remember: Nobody on his deathbed ever wished he had watched more tv.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I'm really tired.

If I wasn't really tired I'd do some Photoshop of Cousin Steve in a bathtub full of raccoons, covered in medical scrasps. And spiders. But I'm tired, so you'll just have to use your imaginations.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wednesday Cell Phone Photo Jubilee

Here's me and a tiger circa 1964. This one is not actually from a cell phone.

I volunteer at a tutoring center. In the bathroom, on the wall, there's some collage artwork by one of the students. Here's a picture of Bjork and a cheeseburger, with caption.

Here's a dude kind of looks like Dick Cheney, near Penn Station. Maybe it's his non-evil twin.

Here's a pipe duct-taped to some boards in the trash.

Here's an audiobook that comes with it's own digital audio player built in. You just buy it and start listening.

TV Watcher Club

There's a new show on tonight with an interesting premise: Every morning Sylvester Stallone wakes up, and drives into the Holland Tunnel. Then Mr. T blows up the tunnel, to get some medical scrasps for his sick daughter. Sylvester Stallone has to swim to Holland to escape and marry a Dutch girl played by Andie MacDowell. Then he goes to sleep and the next day he does it all over again!

This is a great show because it follows my rule for what makes a great tv show: Every episode should have exactly the same plot.

Heed my word, for I am the TV Watcher!

Oh, wait, now I get it.

It's a mug shot.

I don't understand today's "Bizarro"

I'm scrasped.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Word O'Day

Today's word is "Scrasps"

Medical scrasps are the excess connective tissue removed during a transplant. It is used to replace damaged tissue of the same type, or to add volume in cases where the organ replaced is larger than the donor organ. It is also used for testing purposes.

Vole Kill Wombat!

Yes. The Vole has a natural enemy. The Wombat will burn in hell.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Two Links from Boing Boing

Robot Jokes

Pictures from Burning Man, 2003 (Don't Look, Ethel!)

via Boing-Boing

A burrito is not a sandwich.

Obot-Ray Ance-Day

The Secret Hidden Rummy Truth

Rumsfeld was not fired because of the elections. He was fired because he authorized a super-double-top-secret project to put U.S. soldiers' heads on robot bodies. For God's sake! He was even a test subject. He allowed them to put his head on top of a robot body. But the project was a failure anyway. It was probably sabotaged in order to make way for the army of Michael J. Fox clones. Now Rumsfeld ekes out a spare existence as a Times Square raggedy man/robot.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Live from New York...

Last night, Alec Baldwin hosted Saturday Night Live for the 14th time. The following people have also hosted Saturday Night Live:

Desi Arnaz, Norman Lear, Ralph Nader, Fran Tarkenton, Julian Bond, Broderick Crawford, Hugh Hefner, O.J. Simpson, Bea Arthur, Kirk Douglas, Ed Koch, Brandon Tartikoff, Mr. T and Hulk Hogan, Ron Reagan, Oprah Winfrey, Jimmy Breslin and Marvin Hagler, Wayne Gretzky, Martin Bormann, MC Hammer, Deion Sanders, Quentin Tarantino, Elle MacPherson, James Van Der Beek, Britney Spears, Conan O'Brien, Derek Jeter, John McCain, Justin Timberlake, Andy Roddick, Al Sharpton, Donald Trump, Snoop Dogg, Tom Brady, Lance Armstrong

Additional Programming Note:
30 Rock is a very funny show. You should watch it every night.

Another Additional Programming Note:
No one is cooler than Tony Bennett.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Doh! Stupid Cantilever!

It looks like the Institute of Contemporary Art in Boston won't be opening on schedule.

Click Here for more information about cantilevers.

Apparently, the museum was built by the same guys that did those Big Dig tunnels.

Night and the City

Apparently, the Key Foods grocery store around the corner from my house is no longer open 24 hours.

I am vexed.

It's Abstract Saturday

Yeah. We'll try not to do this too often.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Couples in the News

Who could it be?

They're both on their own now, so why the heck not?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Attack of the Missouri Clones

One of the apparent results of yesterday's election was that my home state, Missouri, passed an amendment to legalize stem cell research. Opponents of the measure had tried to characterize it as a plan to create a giant clone army, when in fact, the amendment specifically outlaws human cloning, provides no government money for research, and only exists to prevent the legislature from passing laws prohibiting stem cell research.


Nancy Pelosi Speaker Dance!

Presidential Succession Act of 1947, Baby!

Sophisticated political humor.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Dancing Voles?

OK, I think they're actually badgers.

via News From ME

Fred Broski Hot Tub Party

Click here for Broski-a-go-go!

But more importantly, how does it affect ME?

Apparently, they are "adjusting" the traffic patterns in Times Square. I know what you're thinking: "I wonder how this affects Clinky?"

Well, I'm vexed. As a general rule, it's rarely a good idea to drive through Times Square. Some people find it difficult to even walk through Times Square. But I work nearby. And on Sunday and Monday nights I work until about 3 in the morning. So the traffic is a little bit lighter, and I can take a carefully calibrated cab route to my home, which has been carefully adjusted to give me the quickest ride.

And this new traffic pattern has ruined this. I will either have to walk an extra block to get a cab, or have an unseemly detour in my route.

The deuce, you say.

Monday, November 06, 2006

I am Salty Dog

Yes, we helped Phil pull in the dock this weekend, Carlos and I and the neighbors.

Once I got up.

See it happen at "Clinky-a-go-go"

"The Vole" is on Patrol

Late at night, "The Vole" goes out, with a wooden baseball bat, and waits for a car alarm to go off.

Then he smashes the car's windows.

Heh Heh.

"The Vole" is actually a criminal mastermind.

This post about me and "Hoagy" was actually stolen from the popular "I Was Never Oprah" website-blog. The picture is me, though.

Heh Heh.

Fred Broski Update

Nothing about Broski today. I've got some major research underway, though.

Alec Baldwin Eats Boats

He was in that movie "The Shadow."

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Vole Slept With Your Wife

My new superhero name will be "The Vole." Because it is the only animal left that is not already a superhero.

Here is another blog that talks about the vole.

And To Think Hoagy Thought He'd Get a Raise...

Back in the 1970s me and Hoag used to work at this horrible department store that I'll call Fonzarelli's. On this one particular day we were told to clean up the back room area. Throw away all of the trash, broken store fixtures, busted mannequins (uh-oh) and whatever else. So we're making pretty good progress when Hoag figures out that it'll be easier if we (he) first busts up the mannequins and then puts them in the trash cans and then take them out to the dumpster (uh-oh!)

Hoag finds this sledgehammer thingy and starts smashing these mannequins up...there are dozens of them and he's starting to get into the carnage of smashing them.

And then he spots the can of paint (uh-oh!), Red Paint (uh-oh!!), now he's really going all Jack Torrance on them creating his own personal My Lai. Bloody headless corpses are strewn all around the back room, 'blood' splattered all over us, and of course... crazy laughter. And then the door opens (uh-oh!!!) and in walks gorgeous Marlene who starts to scream thinking Hoag has just wiped out the entire staff.

There is just no way possible to explain to management why you're covered in blood with three dozens corpses at your feet.

We were never allowed to work together again.

At that job....

Mine has a picture of me as a young pirate.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Fred Broski has an ungrateful daughter

In a previous post, I mentioned that circa 1970s Kansas City weatherman Fred Broski has a daughter.

Fred's daughter, Julie Broski, is now a weekend meteorologist at KCTV-5, the Kansas City CBS affilliate station. On the KCTV-5 website, there are bio pages for all its on-air staff. On Julie Broski's page, there is no mention of her father Fred Broski!

It's all well and good to want to establish your own reputation, but this is just ungrateful. You don't Trotski your own dad. She's probably already scheming to send him up to Silvercrest.

The following image has no real relevance to the above story. It's just a tribute to the Halloween candy sugar high.

What is Clinky-a-go-go?

Yeah. I can't put pictures here larger than the width of the column. And I don't want to change the format. So sometimes I'll put big pictures on Clinky-a-go-go. But don't check it every day. Whenever there's something new on Clinky-a-go-go I'll link to it here. So read this blog every day. Remember, it's the most important website in the universe.