And To Think Hoagy Thought He'd Get a Raise...

Back in the 1970s me and Hoag used to work at this horrible department store that I'll call Fonzarelli's. On this one particular day we were told to clean up the back room area. Throw away all of the trash, broken store fixtures, busted mannequins (uh-oh) and whatever else. So we're making pretty good progress when Hoag figures out that it'll be easier if we (he) first busts up the mannequins and then puts them in the trash cans and then take them out to the dumpster (uh-oh!)

Hoag finds this sledgehammer thingy and starts smashing these mannequins up...there are dozens of them and he's starting to get into the carnage of smashing them.

And then he spots the can of paint (uh-oh!), Red Paint (uh-oh!!), now he's really going all Jack Torrance on them creating his own personal My Lai. Bloody headless corpses are strewn all around the back room, 'blood' splattered all over us, and of course... crazy laughter. And then the door opens (uh-oh!!!) and in walks gorgeous Marlene who starts to scream thinking Hoag has just wiped out the entire staff.

There is just no way possible to explain to management why you're covered in blood with three dozens corpses at your feet.

We were never allowed to work together again.

At that job....



Mine has a picture of me as a young pirate.