Monday, January 29, 2007

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Newton's Third Law of TV Conglomerates

People are always talking about how the folks at Fox News are right-wing conservative shills for the Bush Administration. But we forget that their flagship network, the Fox Broadcast Network, are anarchistic and fierce government critics.

"House" is a troublemaker, an iconoclast, always stickin' it to the man. "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" are satiric deconstructions of the myth of "family values," and let's not forget about Springfield's Mayor Quimby, the ultimate corrupt politician. "Bones" is an obvious mocking send-up of Dick Cheney. The heroes of "Prison Break" are, of course, escaped murderers. Even a show like "24" than many consider to be extremely Republican ("We like torture!"), had, as it's villain last season, The President of the United States! He was selling nerve gas to terrorists!

But the cruelest attacks on George W. Bush come from Fox's most popular show, "American Idol." Every new season, the early episodes are devoted mainly to the losers, the terrible singers who's shame is compounded by their inability to comprehend their own failure. They come in, and we hope for the best from them. But then we see their performance. And it sucks. It sucks bad. They stand there, in front of the judges, in front of the millions of people watching around the country, without the slightest inkling of how horrible a job they've done. They believe that they are somehow deserving, destined for greatness, when if fact, if they are remembered at all it will only be for their stunning ineptitude. They beg for another chance, as if somehow, on a second look, we will see a diamond instead of a steaming turd. They are frighteningly delusional. They are, finally, rebuked, and as they storm off, we all feel a little bit skeevy for having watched.

And why would any feeling network executive allow this car wreck to be televised, if not to hold up a mirror to the President, to remind us of the inadequacies of our Chief Executive? Every week, forty million Americans are forced to look into their souls and ask themselves how they could have elected this moron. We watch these poor souls, and our desperate hope that "He couldn't be that bad" is shattered. He is that bad, and he's the only one that doesn't realize it.

Let's Go-Go for Coffee!

"You're face! It's a map!"

"Yes. Face is slang for map."

Look out for that lens flare!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Videos about cereal

Girl eats Cap'n Crunch and Pixie Stix sandwich. (apparently as seen in "The Breakfast Club"):

Here's one with a dog:

Friday, January 26, 2007

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Your name here.

When you visit the Stratosphere, the giant tower at the north end of the Strip, you can get a souvenir photo. They take a photo of you in front of a green screen, and digitally insert it in to a background photo taken from the top of the tower. It seems odd, that, when they went to all the trouble of building a tall tower, where they could take actual photos of people at the top, they instead want to create fake photos. I think they have the same thing at the shark tank at the Mandalay Bay. At a place where you could easily take a real photo of yourself in front of a shark, you have the opportunity to make a fake photo.

And that's Las Vegas.

Vegas Wrap-up, Baby! (with signs!)

We're back home, but here's a few more photos from the cell phone:

Here's a sign on the door of the Las Vegas Art Museum/Sahara branch of the Las Vegas Public Library:

Here's a sign from the Starbucks at The Palace Station Casino. Even though they are only open from 10 to 5, they're "Always Open @" so, I guess if you're jonesing for a Latte-chino at 2 in the morning, you can log on and, well, I'm not exactly sure...

And here's the giant snake at Las Vegas' McCarran Airport:

Vegas Lounge Hipster

Monday, January 22, 2007

I've got a nickel, I've got a dime...

But they're of no use to me. Apparently, a couple of years ago all the slot machines in Las Vegas were re-tooled so they only take bills or "Tickets." Apparently, this saves a lot of labor and allows the casinos to eliminate most of their cages and save money. Oddly, I've noticed there is a lot more "Penny" machines, where the minimum bet is just 1c. But you have to put in at least a dollar.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Barbra thinks the moon landing was faked.

"Capricorn One" was a movie about a faked mission to Mars. Despite being just a movie, it has given a few crackpots the idea that the Moon landings were faked.**

The two stars of "Capricorn One" were Elliott Gould and James Brolin.

Barbra Streisand has married both of them.

O.J. Simpson was also in the movie "Capricorn One." Barbra Streisand did not marry him. So she's got that going for her...

**The Moon landings were real.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Las Vegas Photo Album

We'll start, of course, with a couple of Elvises:

A lion sleeping on top of the glass covered walkway at the MGM:

Appearing tonight, also at the MGM, Justin Timberlake!

The fountain outside the "Tropicana" (it's been atypically cold here):

And finally, Archery!

I don't have a scanner with me...

"Art Duckwald"

(in memoriam)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Vegas Story

I'm walking down the strip, and I'm near the Fashion Show Mall and this guy walks up to me and says:

"I've got three kids and I need to buy them some food. Can you spare anything?"

So I'm getting ready to give him some money, and I ask him to promise me that he won't spend it on gambling.

"Of course not! I've got gambling money."

I think E.M. told me this joke...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Blame It On The Bossa Nova

Over at the Rio, they've got Prince doing some shows:

But really, I think they should promote their other featured entertainers:

Who You Gonna Call?

Here's the ironic thing, I'm in Vegas for a skeptics' conference, and there seems to be a ghost in my hotel room:

Ashes To Ashes, Stardust To Dust

I'm in Las Vegas. Here's the place I stayed last time I was here:

(They're tearing it down...)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"Consarn It!"

"I will not withdraw even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." --George W. Bush

The voice of Barney provided by Gary Coleman.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Talking Garden

Yeah, there's this talking garden, it's got talking flowers, talking rain, talking socks, and in that talking garden live two flowers; Miranda the Dandelion and Rose the Daisy. Miranda is mean...

Monday, January 15, 2007

I'm just trying something...

Crap! I left my cell phone on the nightstand!

I haven't talked about current events here lately, so here we about the President's New Plan?

Everybody seems to think it's a bad idea. But here's the thing: It really doesn't matter. The thing about the Iraq War is not that it was a bad idea in the first place, (it probably was), but that it was executed so badly. Not by the soldiers, but by the planners in the White House. You can look that up; I don't like to post stuff that you can read elsewhere, and I think that second to porn, the most common subject on the internet is "What Bush Did Wrong." (very distant second.)

So even if he had stood there Wednesday, all "Max Headroom," and told us that his new strategy was to "declare victory and get out," I would be apprehensive. Because he'd find some way to fuck it up. They'd have no plan, they'd forget to give the Iraqis important information, they'd do it in whichever way would get the rest of the world the most pissed off at us. Again, it would not be the fault of the soldiers. They would carry out the idiotic orders coming down from the Commander in Chief with honor, and he'd end up getting them killed with bad timing, indifference to profiteering and corruption, and inabillity to understand the region in any way at all. Haliburton, of course, would make several billion dollars.

It would be like your college buddy who calls you up to help him move out of his apartment. But none of his shit is packed, he's not sure when the movers are coming, the super is supposed to meet him at the new apartment with the keys, but he can't find his phone number, so we'll have to sit outside on the stoop for a few hours.

At least we'd be out, but there's no way we'd get our deposit back.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

OK Then

The last couple of days we've been doing some work on the underlying technology here at Clinky the Boy Robot. Plus, we've updated the sidebar. Our e-mail address is now over there too, so, send us an e-mail.

Coming soon: Vegas, Baby!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Bank of Voices

Last week, we asked a "Bonus Question: Who was Oblio?" The answer is, he was the hero of the cartoon movie "The Point?" This was a cartoon that was on tv in 1971. It had songs by Harry Nilsson. A childhood favorite about how it's ok to be different.

Anyway, while double-checking the spelling of "Oblio," whose voice was played by Mike "Bobby Brady" Lookinland, I noticed an odd thing: The voice of the Narrator was played by different people the three different people the three times "The Point" was shown on tv, and someone else for the home video release. The four narrators were Dustin Hoffman, Alan Barzman, Alan Thicke and Ringo Starr. Dustin Hoffman is a huge movie star and was, among other things, the "Rain Man." Alan Thicke had a couple of tv shows in the 80s and discovered Leonardo DiCaprio. Ringo Star will be the leader of "The New Beatles" the day after Paul McCartney dies. But who is Alan Barzman? The Internet Movie Database was no help. He only had a couple of other credits. So I did some Google searching. And the answer is, ultimately, he's apparently a journeyman voice-over actor.

But the other thing I stumbled upon, was It's a website that allows talent agencies to provide samples of actors' voices for tv or radio commercials. Say you're a commercial producer, and you need someone to narrate a Volvo ad, you can go to this website and hear snippets of hundreds of different actors.

Here's some examples:

Rob Lowe

Alan Barzman

Demi Moore

Ellen Degeneres

Bobcat Goldthwait

Billy West

Anjelica Huston

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

"I've Got No Time To Stand In Line At The Goddamn Apple Store!"

Jack Bauer meets Steve Jobs:

Celebrity Fires Always Come In Threes

That girl from "Lost."

The Gyllenhaal Kids.

"Chrissy" from "Three's Company." ***Obvious Infomercial Reference Deleted***

Noted in that last story there: "Actress Victoria Principal saved her home by hosing it down with water during the fire." So she's got that going for her.

Three Links

A Tourist Destination,
a blog,
and a movie.

Monday, January 08, 2007

"Trash is Out of Service"

Anyone who enjoys "premium quality coffee at affordable prices" is familiar with the Starbucks condiment counter. Usually, there is a round hole in the middle that leads to a convenient trash receptacle. At one of the six Starbucks within a block of the building where I work, there is apparently some sort of technical problem with the trash can. And no, before you ask, it's not some sort of suction activated compactor system, just a plastic trash can in a wooden cabinet. But somehow, it's broken and no one in the place knows how to fix it. They'll have to send someone down from headquarters.

They were also out of the White Chocolate Mocha.

Bonus Question: What Heather Graham movie did I quote there?

In Direct Line With Another & The Next

Manhole cover of the day:

Union Square, New York City, Dammit!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

True Byfield Fact!

One of the signers of the Constitution*, Rufus King, went to the Dummer Academy in South Byfield.

The Dummer Academy is, of course, the best name for a school ever. The Dummer Academy for a long time was called the Governor Dummer Academy, and apparently recently changed its name to just The Governor's Academy. Neither Rufus King nor Deval Patrick are happy about this.

In other news, Beaver College has also changed its name.

Lucy Pepper would like to change the word for "Trays" to "Nevilles"

Read more about Rufus King here. (Scroll down a bit.)

There is a Rufus King School (P.S. 26) in Flushing, Queens, New York.

There is a Rufus King High School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, but it is named after the grandson of Rufus King, also named Rufus King.

(*That's the Constitution of the United States of America. Enjoy it while you still can.)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Monkey See, Monkey Do?

I bought some sandpaper today. (Working on some furniture.) On the back is printed the standard info, barcode, etc. And what at first glance appears to be a monkey with sunglasses and headphones.

Upon further examination it's just a dude with sunglasses, headphones and a facemask. (He's going to be sanding some asbestos and polonium.)

And Where! is the Batman?

Here's a picture taken outside the building where I work, in Rockefeller Center.

I took the picture because the tourist woman walking behind me said:

"It's just like Gotham!"

(5 p.m.)

Where's the Sausage?

This is a sign on the door of the Grocery Store in my neighborhood.

So, that's where the sausages are...

All of them...

Behind Door 25...

And yes, below it is the sign announcing the new hours I talked about here.

A Balmy Night in Albany

Able was I, ere I saw Elba.


Bonus Question: Who was Oblio?

Friday, January 05, 2007

Epiphany at Giza

The giant disembodied ghostly head of Buddy Hackett has recently been sighted floating above the pyramids. Justin Timberlake travels to Egypt to seek its other-worldly advice. The tattoos are against the advice of his mother.

Hometown: Byfield!

We're starting a new feature, based some focus groups and surveys we did. Every now and then, we'll be featuring people on the internet who come from the town of Byfield, MA.

Let's meet Kim!

Apparently, she has a job with the Arena Football league. It must be very exciting.

Note: Unfortunately, Fred Broski is not from Byfield.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Ed Norton and Ed Norton

Yeah, sorry, it's a little obvious and kind of lame...

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year 2007!

From Times Square New York City!