Sunday, December 31, 2006

Top Stars of the Year!

Chewbacca FAQ:

1. Why doesn't Chewbacca have a lightsaber?

2. Why doesn't Chewbacca get a medal at the end of the first "Star Wars" movie?

3. Why doesn't Chewbacca get some pants?

Just Dummy Text

Friday, December 29, 2006

Exclusive News Update!

Saddam Hussein hang gliding:

Today in Geography

The MySpace page of the town of Byfield.

Nope. No reason at all...

"Byfield is in your extended network."

Heh Heh.


Here's what I heard: Apparently, the first woman helicopter pilot lived in South Byfield.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

Mindy lost her hand in a crane accident. Unfortunately, she could not afford a proper prosthetic. They used a large mutant lobster claw instead. Yet she remains upbeat.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

More About Fritz's Meats

Fritz's Meats is mentioned below in the "Fred Broski news alert!" It's a great little butcher shop very close to my parent's house. They specialize in smoked meat. My mom used to go there a lot when I was a kid. We'd get brisket and little tiny salami sausages. When you went in you could see all the meat hanging in the smoker. It's still in the same place it's been for almost forty years. The building looks nothing like you'd expect though, it's completely non-descript suburban cinder-block architechture. Maybe my mom will e-mail me a picture and I'll post it later.

Four Five Two

This is the four-hundred-and-fifty-second post on "Clinky the Boy Robot!"

Woo Hoo!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Obscure Fred Broski Reference

Before we start, we have a special announcement: We have created a special logo for all Fred Broski related posts for this blog. When you see the logo, you'll know the post is going to be Broski-related.

Now, without further ado, here is our "Broski -- News Alert!" logo:

And now for our obscure Fred Broski reference, from the internet.

Today's reference comes from "The Cult," the website of author Chuck Palahniuk. He wrote "Fight Club." The book that the movie was based on.

Deep in one of the discussion threads a poster named "Chixulub" writes:

"I wonder what Shadov would make of Fred Broski's Polish Sausage (available in Mildski and Hotski)..."

Nathaniel Parker replies:

"is that a dick joke?"

Chixulub explains:

"Nope. They don't list it specifically on their web site, but it's an offering of Fritz's Meats. Local news guy (weather? sports? I forget) named Fred Broski got in touch with his Polish heritage. I think he made a trip back to the strange land called Poland and was surprised by how the sausage there wasn't anything like a Polish you'd get in the states.
So I guess he dusted of Grandmaski's recipe or whatever and had enough juice to get Fritz's to try it out on us. It's strange stuff, if they still make it. Very, very lean, it scorches easily because there's hardly any fat in it. And tons of seasoning even in the Mildski.
So I really do wonder what Shadov would make of the stuff. If it's super authentic or just a bunch of shuck and jive."

Waffle House Story

A couple of years ago, I was visiting my folks out in the MidWest. There are a lot of excellent places to eat in my hometown, but I sometimes like to go to the Waffle House because we don't have them here in the NorthEast. So I took my dad out for breakfast one morning.

At the time there was a bad flu going around, and a couple of people died. In the Waffle House we went to, one of the waitresses' daughters had the flu, and was dying. There was a sign and a collection jar on the counter.

While we were eating, a local news crew came in and interviewed the Waffle House manager about the sad story.

Later that night, my dad and I saw ourselves on TV, in the background.

(Yes, we put money in the jar.)

Christmas at Cousin Steve's*

Here's the truth about this story:

"Wifey! We need more scallions for the mashed potatoes!"

*He's not actually my cousin.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Quick Holiday Viewing Tip

Remember: "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie!

Top 5 James Bond Theme songs

Usually I don't like to post things that you could easily find on any of seventeen to one hundred and sixty thousand other web pages ("Here's some restaurants in Portland, Oregon! Just in case you never heard of Google!"). But I was driving home from Boston today and two of these songs came on the radio. That put the topic in my head, and I've got nothing better to post, and I'm tired.

Plus I'm hoping something Bond related will put Cousin Steve in a better mood. (Turn that frown upside down!)

So here are pretty much the only 5 Bond themes I can remember enought to hum at least the chorus ("He's the man, the man, with the zinky touch!" ...from the theme to "Zincfinger," a lost Bond film that George Lazenby tried to produce on his own to put on YouTube. Joke actually ripped off from Flaming Carrot Comics.):

5. For Your Eyes Only -- Sheena Easton
4. Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me) -- Carly Simon
3. Casino Royale (1967) -- Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
2. Goldfinger -- Shirley Bassey
1. Live and Let Die -- Paul McCartney & Wings (apologies to Penn Jillette)

*The James Bond Theme -- John Barry/Monty Norman is also excellent, but does not meet the requirements for this list.

The Worst:
The Living Daylights -- a-ha
(Presumably; it doesn't exactly remain in your head; I don't remember it at all...)

Honorable Mention:
Thunderball -- Tom Jones
Just because Tom Jones is so damn cool.

I also kind of liked "View to a Kill" by Duran Duran, but am too ashamed to admit it. (Duran Duran?)

And here's this:

Click here if you like Moby.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Cousin Steve's Favorite Candy!

Hannukah, Festival of Lights

"What did you get?"**
"Radioactive isotope. What did you get?"
"Radioactive isotope."

**Translated from secret twin language.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Old Woman vs. Jew

Here's a story that happened in Brooklyn.

A bit of background: Jews don't proselytize much. Apparently the Talmud forbids it. But here in Brooklyn, the ultra-religious (black hats, black coats, beards) can't help themselves. The loophole is that they feel it's ok to try to get people who are already Jews to be more Jewy. So every now and again, especially around holidays, if you look a kind of Jewish (and who doesn't?) you'll be approached by a Lubavicher and he'll ask you "Are you Jewish?" If the answer is yes, you'll be invited to take part in some Jewish ritual or something.

Ok then. So the other night, I'm walking home; I turn onto the residential block that I live on. I see what appears to be some sort of altercation. It takes a few moments for me to figure out what's going on. There's an old woman, maybe 60 years old, with a cane, and a young Hasidic Jew, about 20 years old, I think. (With a scraggly but nicely grown beard.) The young Jew seems to be trying to evade the old woman. He's not running away, but he's moving around cars, walking briskly, but not in one direction, it looks like he's trying to wait her out, so he can get back to his post. But she's sticking with him. She's yelling at him. She feels he's racist because he only asks Jewy-looking people if they're Jews. (No Blacks, no Hispanics) She's also angry that he asked her if she's Jewish. So she's determined that as long as he's going to do his bit, she's going to heckle him, so to speak. There's another guy walking down the street watching this as well, but we figure that as long as it's an old woman chasing a young man, and not the other way around, that there's little damage of actual bodily harm.

It's not clear whether she's offended at being asked about her Jewishness because she doesn't like Jews, or because she is Jewish. (Or because she is Judith Regan.)

Finally, he decides to take off in one direction, toward Eastern Parkway (Not quite Williamsburg, but people wear a lot of black there.) As I enter my apartment, she's still chasing after him.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

And they called these scrolls "Books..."

Apparently today, December 20th, is the 10th anniversary of the death of Carl Sagan. Some dude with a blog is organizing "The Carl Sagan Memorial Blog-a-thon."

I high school, me and my buddies had a science teacher who told us all to watch Carl Sagan's TV show "Cosmos." We all became Carl Sagan fans. Ironically? Could be. But nonetheless, we formed a "Science Club," and the name of the science club was "Cosmos." The only thing I remember us actually doing was creating possibly the worst homecoming float ever and later dumping it in front yard. R.A.S. was one of our friends who we actually called "R.A.S." We also sometimes called him "B.A.S."

Another thing we used to do, in class, was draw cartoons. One of our characters was our science teacher. (There's a cartoon of him on the blackboard in the background of the yearbook picture of "Cosmos," the science club.) And of course, Carl Sagan became one of our favorite characters. We'd draw him flying through space with a jet-pack, fighting his alien enemies, the evil "X-nots."

So that's my Carl Sagan tribute. Fond memories of high-school geekiness.


The title of this post is from Dr. Sagan's description of the Library of Alexandria, from "Cosmos."

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

People ask me, "Clinky," they say "Are you Mad? How can your stories possibly be true?"

Sometimes they're true. And if not, they speak to the larger truths of the human condition. Maybe they're true, but they are also filtered for insights into current events.

For instance, earlier tonight there was a huge fight at a Knicks game."

Wouldn't it be cool if I somehow was at that game. Maybe I got free tickets. Maybe, late in the game, with the home team losing badly, I thought I could sneak down near the court and take a picture with my trusty cell-phone camera.

And maybe, when the fight broke out, a basketball player fell right on top of me!

And I took a picture, but it didn't come out good:

Maybe this is a drawing of what happened:

It could very well have happened that way.

Or it could be a story. Or based on a true story.

Or maybe Someone Else wrote a crazy e-mail about being yelled at to the entire staff at the place where he used to work.

And maybe Someone Else is going to sue Isaiah Thomas for secretly bringing in his old teammate Bill Laimbeer to teach the Knicks some "strategies."

Maybe, while this was all happening, I was at his house, baking cookies with his girlfriend.

And when I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from "Wanda," asking for "Pinky."


Up Next: I am apparently "Time" magazine's "Man of the Year."

(Note: I understand there are some excellent photos of "The Thrilla in Madison-Square-Gardenilla" in the New York Times. I'm just saying that's what I heard.)

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Friday, December 15, 2006

I used to be in the Navy.

As a young ensign, I was stationed on the battleship "Poison Ivy." It was a great learning experience. I met many foreign and interesting people. But I'll never forget my very first day. I was swabbing the deck, and I was suddenly called to the Assistant Captain's office.

"I want you to clean the floor here! Clean it now! But I'm not going to move."

"But how can I clean the floor if you're not going to move?"

"I swear, I've never had a sailor on a ship who's such a stupidhead!"

Then I ran from the cabin sobbing.

Good times.

Years later, after I had been tranferred to the world's largest submarine (It had it's own food court, with a Cinnabons.) I sent a sonar-telegram to my old buddies on the "Poison Ivy."

In it, I recounted the story above.

Fortunately, after that, the "Poison Ivy" was hit by a Swedish torpedo. (This was during the "Sturducken Conflict").

There were no survivors.

Alvin made me write this.

Heard during an upcoming U.S. Senate vote:

"The Senator from South Dakota abstains. Again."

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cousin Steve Was Wrong

Turns out it was bad lettuce.

Can't trust Cousin Steve.

We regret the error.

Please return to your scallions.

Batman is a Russian Secret Agent

Below is the logo of the GRU, "Glavnoe Razvedyvatelnoye Upravlenie," or Main Intelligence Directorate of the Russian government.

via BoingBoing

Broski Beat

Fred Broski did not record the hit single Smalltown Boy.

Ultimate Stick-Man

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


From the files of the Blue Nurse:


His name is my name too.

Sasha Cohen, figureskater, and Sacha Baron Cohen, "Borat" of TV and films:
Note: Sasha Skater is on CSI:NY this week!

Slightly more obscure;
70s pop musician Gilbert O'Sullivan and 1870s pop musicians Gilbert & Sullivan

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Cousin Steve Was Right!

Remember those mashed potatoes we had at Thanksgiving with scallions in them?

They were lousy with e-coli!

That Christmas Story

Pez Yoda and Coconut Guitar Monkey have decided, in the spirit of the season, to share the Victoria's Secret coupon for a Free Panty. And it was a wonderful Christmas after all.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Aaaaaah! Those Hecklers!

Once again, the importance of enunciation.

And I'm Spent

I have returned from Madrid.

(International travellers: Be careful when flying through Paris C.D.G. Airport. Terminal 2E is under construction, and you have to take a 30 minute bus ride from your plane to the gate.)

Nothing more to see here; please return to your homes.

And finally...

"I'm Not Lost, I'm Superlost:"

Hard Rock Madrid?

Could happen...

Ham and Batteries

Here's the "Museo de Jamon" (Museum of Ham.) Have a Mixto!

And all around Madrid, they have these freestanding advertising/map kiosks, and they have a place at the bottom to put your used batteries. Separate receptacles for flat and regular batteries!


Who's Tio Pepe?

Maybe he drives the Pepecar:

On the wall, Off the wall.

Where's the Andrea True Connection when you need them?

Here's this guy again:

And finally, here's one for Mel Gibson:

Because Bill Gates Demanded it!

I try to put up pictures are of little things, unusual things, atypical things; not buildings and landscapes that have been photographed a thousand times before. But here's a vista for you (Toledo):

It looked a lot better in person...that's all I'm saying.

Pontiac Fiero

Here's a picture from Madrid:

In Spanish, "Bomberos" means "Firemen:"

Here's some workmen getting rid of random constructin debris in Toledo:

Monday, December 04, 2006

Under Construction

There is an ass-load of construction going on in Madrid.

The Museo Municipal:

El Templo de Debod (It's an ancient Egyptian temple):

Here's a hole in the street with some tubing:
(Someone with a supply of orange tubing could clean up.)

Scaffolding holding up just the facade of a building:

Here's the other Madrid train station:

It looks run down from this end but inside it's brand new and very cool:
(They've also build a mall next to it. It's got a movie theater, and here's the odd thing; the box office is on the other side of the mall.)

Dirdam, Backwards

Cat of the Casa de Campo:

Unfortunately, this store was not open:

"Street Art" Girl:

Apparently, Mr. Clooney likes to enjoy a lovely "Nespresso:"

More to come...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Where's Rudy when you need him?

Madrid has a lot of graffitti. Some call it "Street Art." Others call it "Vandalism." Most of it's vandalism. Some is interesting:


This show is also very popular here, I guess. That's the Atocha train station in back:

Does anyone here speak Spanish?