I used to be in the Navy.

As a young ensign, I was stationed on the battleship "Poison Ivy." It was a great learning experience. I met many foreign and interesting people. But I'll never forget my very first day. I was swabbing the deck, and I was suddenly called to the Assistant Captain's office.

"I want you to clean the floor here! Clean it now! But I'm not going to move."

"But how can I clean the floor if you're not going to move?"

"I swear, I've never had a sailor on a ship who's such a stupidhead!"

Then I ran from the cabin sobbing.

Good times.

Years later, after I had been tranferred to the world's largest submarine (It had it's own food court, with a Cinnabons.) I sent a sonar-telegram to my old buddies on the "Poison Ivy."

In it, I recounted the story above.

Fortunately, after that, the "Poison Ivy" was hit by a Swedish torpedo. (This was during the "Sturducken Conflict").

There were no survivors.

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Alvin made me write this.