Sunday, July 02, 2006

Don't be a dumbass

I sometimes help people with their computers. Here's what I've learned: People are stupid. People do insanely stupid things. Here are some of the things you shouldn't do:

First of all, e-mail is everywhere. Naked pictures are everywhere. Whenever you send an e-mail, assume that everyone in the world will read it. When you're writing an e-mail, imagine your mom reading it. Imagine your boss reading it. Because the second you let yourself think that an e-mail is in any way private, they will. If you let someone take naked pictures of you, assume they are going directly to the internet. The person taking the pictures may not intend for it to happen. But he'll forget to erase them, or he'll lose his laptop, or maybe he is actually a douchebag. Either way, if you're comfortable with your students seeing you naked, that's great. I endorse it. But if not, don't let him take pictures. And if he does, don't just erase them. Take the disk. Format it. Burn it. Or you'll end up on some fat sweaty pervert's giant hard drive full of porn.

Moving on; if you're stupid enough to look at porn at work, especially if you sit in a cube, there is a direct non-inverse relationship between the disgustingness of the porn you're looking at and the chances that your boss will walk up behind you. "Porn time" should be "Me time" and reserved for the privacy of your own home.

If you absolutely need to check your e-mail or update your blog on a computer that you don't own, make sure you say "Never" when it asks if you want to save your password, and be sure to Quit the browser program when you're done. (By the way, an excellent place to check your e-mail: The Apple Store.) And if you happen to stumble on to someone's "Blogger" password, a fun way to use it without the person realizing it's been compromised is to log onto other random blogs and leave the most horrific comments possible.

No matter how much a picture is obscured,some dude from CSI can unscramble it and have you stalked and arrested.

And of course, save early and often.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Spencer It would not be Wise to leave naked snaps on your laptop.

Sam said...

I agree 100%.

Cake said...

I work two jobs-- at the evening one, the gal that I replace is often checking her e-mail when I arrive for my shift.

Every single goddamn week, she leaves herself logged in to both her LiveJournal and her Gmail accounts.

I log her out every time without looking at anything-- that MUST be worth some good karma points, yes?