Is you is, or is you ain't, my baby?

Words have power. I guess. But lately people forget that words have to have definitions. We have to agree on what a word, or phrase, means, to have a meaningful discussion. Does anyone remember what the definition of is is?

The word or phrase for this week, or actually last week, is "running up the score." It sounds bad. But what does it really mean? A while ago, some dudes in Connecticut thought it would be a good idea to suspend any high-school football coach who's team won by more than 50 points. Because "running up the score" is bad.

So what does "running up the score" mean? Does it not mean scoring as many points as you possibly can? This shows that I really don't know anything about sports. Because I always thought that one of the main values of sports was to try your hardest. To score as many points as you can.

Now, one of the arguments in favor of this rule is that the evil coaches that are running up the points are also not letting the second string play. They want to win by as much as possible so Rudy the perpetual benchwarmer never gets to play. But, like most idiotic rules, this one also has the opposite effect as intended. Because if the first string from Metropolis High can get 50 points ahead of Smallville high, it's very likely that their second, and even third string guys are going to better as well. So in the second have, the subs get to play, but, in order to avoid having their coach suspended, they have to not play. Fourth string quarterback, first time he gets to play all year, but he's got to fall on the ball.

The whole point of this rule, I can only guess, is to avoid hurting the feelings of the losing team. But I can't think of anything more insulting, more demeaning to your opponent than to stop trying.

So, getting back to meanings and definitions; if you're running up the score, that means you're scoring as many points as you can. So if we're saying, don't run up the score, we're saying don't score as many points as you can.

I remember seeing the movie "Eight Men Out." It was about arguably the worst scandal in sports history. Some baseball players "shaved points" in the World Series. This was a very bad thing. "Shaving points" is when you don't score as many points as you can. You might still win, in fact, players that shave points justify it to themselves by still winning, but you just don't score as many points as you can.

In Connecticut, high school football teams are required to shave points.

I really must not know anything about sports.

Hey Look! A Dead Bird!

Here's a picture I took:

Are you a teacher?

Here at Clinky the Boy Robot, education is very important. So here's an idea for art teacher to do with your art classes:

Buy some magnetic sheet material, like the stuff they use to make signs that stick to the sides of trucks.

Here's a link, or you can Google "Magnetic Sheets." It's not hugely expensive.

Then, you can cut it into painting-sized sheets and have kids do paintings on it. Then they take it home, and instead of having to take a magnet from some valuable coupons to stick the painting to the refrigerator, the painting IS the magnet! You could use it to hold up even more coupons!

Angry Robot

OK Then...

Someone e-mailed me this link.

Wait, Wait, Don't Go Yet!

I'm told, (and sadly did not do so myself), that if you go to see the new X-Men movie, that you should stay till the end of the credits.

"I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!"

The Go Go Dancers of Nepal

Harper's Magazine is 7$

There are some magazines I read regularly, and some that I pick up once in a while. And I also try new magazines sometimes, and I sometimes pick up an issue of a magazine if an article looks interesting or it's got a good cover. So I picked up the current issue of "Harper's" to see what Art Spiegelman has to say about the Danish Cartoon Controversy from last February. (I guess they've got a long lead time.) And when I got to the counter, it was $6.95. Now, it's not a big deal, I can afford it, and I'm really not bothered by a couple of dollars one way or another, but it just seems a little high for a standard sized 100-paged magazine.

I also picked up "The L Magazine"; it's free, it has more interesting articles than you'd think, and it looks like they're perfect binding it and printing the inside in color as of the new issue ("The Summer Preview.")

Simon Conjurer Returns Again!

Back on May 6, I wrote about a movie called "The Legend of Simon Conjurer." It played at the Times Square AMC Theater for a week and seemed to be done.

But no! According to the movie's web site, apparently the "NYC Premiere" was yesterday, June 2, at the Village East Theater. And Jon Voight was supposed to be there! But now it's too late. And unless you're reading this Saturday morning, you'll miss his appearances today. According to the web site:

"Mr. Voight will be holding two autograph sessions in NYC. These are separate from the screenings and will just be for promotional purposes only. On Saturday June 3rd, Jon will be at the Angelika Film Center (18 W Houston St) from 4:30pm-6:00pm signing autographs for fans. He will then move to the Village East Theatre (181 2nd Avenue between 11th and 12th St) to sign more autographs from 6:30pm-8:00pm."

Now, according to "Fandango" the movie is not actually playing at the Angelica. It is playing at the Village East. So everyone, go see it. This week.

Everything is exactly what it is.

Here's a weird and horrible story:

There's a horrible accident involving a vanload of college kids. Some are killed. A girl named Whitney is apparently buried. Another girl, "Laura," lies in a coma for weeks. Her family is at her side, praying and caring for her. "Laura" begins to come out of her coma. But she seems confused. Slowly it becomes apparent that "Laura" is actually Whitney, and Whitney's parents actually buried Laura.

So after weeks of bedside vigil, Laura's parents find out their daughter is dead. And after believing their daughter is dead for 4 weeks, Whitney's parents find out she is alive. Some times you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

(Not a dream! Not a hoax! Not an imaginary story!)

This begs the question, is this a "happy" ending, a "sad" ending, or a wash? One family loses, one wins. But were the 4 weeks of hope (albeit false) for the family of the girl who died a good thing or a bad thing? Likewise, the girl who lived, it would have been the worst 4 weeks of her parents lives, but then, of course, the happiest.

I guess what we can get out of this is a good story to tell your parents if you want to get a tatoo...

And that's the way it is.

How many great headlines can be in one CNN.com homepage's "Latest News?"

"Dog handler guilty of Abu Ghraib abuse"

"Killer needs sex change or he'll die, doc says"

"Woman jailed for hiding child groom"

"Death boat drifts from Africa to Barbados"

"Muslim girl says teacher made fun of her scarf"

"Giant venomous weed burns woman, scars boy"

And, best of all:

"New Batwoman is a lesbian"

Gun beats everything.

During my recent trip to Vermont, G_____, G_____, M_____ and I were out to the Dairy Creme. G and I were arguing about who would pay Not in the cheap bastard way; we each insisted on paying. We commenced to a quick "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

And then I panicked, and I proffered not a closed fist ("Rock"), an open hand ("Paper"), or and extended two fingers ("Scissors.") I instead pointed my thumb and forefinger like a pistol. I had not intended to do this, but quickly justified it, claiming "Gun beats everything!" Heh.

And then, today on BoingBoing I saw this:

The RPS-25!

"It's Kill Or Be Kicked!"

"A 6-year-old special education student who kicked a Naples teacher's aide and spent several hours in juvenile jail is facing felony battery charges."

I mean, really, it's not like she kicked a full-on teacher, it was just a teacher's aide!

But what were they thinking. They called the police on a 6-year-old! Who was in special ed! Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have discipline. Toss the kid from school if you need to, make the parents take time off of work to take care of it. But it's not a police matter. Last week, I spent some time thinking about the 8-year-old who accidentally killed another kid by playing around in a school bus, and I wasn't sure if someone that age could be held responsible. And in that case, someone was dead. In this case, it doesn't sound like there was more than maybe a bruise. (How much damage could a 6-year-old girl do?) And they called the police and sent her to jail.

The linked article (via Drudge, of course) doesn't have much information. Maybe there's more to the story. Maybe she had those Rosa Kleb dagger shoes and was working for the KGB. If I was the policeman called to the scene I would have arrested the school administrator instead for filing an idiotic report.

Zero Tolerance is a terrible idea created by people who don't want to take the responsibility for making decisions. Isn't tolerance supposed to be a good thing?

Ahhh....Who am I kidding...I just wanted to use the headline "It's Kill Or Be Kicked!"

Random Philosophy

If the only tool you have is a tiny hex wrench, everything looks like a crappy piece of Ikea Furniture.

Actually I love Ikea. I love to stop at the one in New Haven, CT, on my way to Framingham. I like to enjoy a plate of Swedish Meatballs.

I only wish more of their items came two-toned.

When in Vermont...

Today I painted the side of a chicken coop. Also pictured: G_____(L) and M_____(R).

Another reason why he's "The Man"

"William Shatner believes he can contribute to Middle East peace by helping disabled children through horseback riding."

According to my rules of blogging, I should write a couple of relevant sentences here, explaining how this makes me feel. But really, what more needs to be said...

Nostalgia for 5 months ago

Sometimes things fly around the internet so fast we forget to slow down and appreciate them. And then, 5 months later, we've completely forgotten them. So here's the first in a series of things that were all over the internet for about 10 minutes. We proudly present: The Cyclops Kitty!
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Somewhere in New England

Irritated ten-year olds.

More Crazy Vermont Adventures!

My friend G the shepherd (note: G is a woman; other G is a man. of sorts.) Anyway, woman G. just said "I pitchforked my toe today." I tried for a moment to figure out what her colorful Vermont idiom meant, and then realized that she had actually stabbed herself in the toe with a pitchfork.

Where am I now?

I'm now in REDACTED, Vermont. I'm visiting my friends G_____, G_____ and their son or daughter M________. (I'm obscuring personal information for their safety. I have many enemies.) One of G's hobbies: Shepherd:




One of the sheep has wandered into the woods:



More sheep:



In 2002 I painted the side of the barn: