I'll show you young punks!

There's talk now of a new "Star Trek" movie (news story here). It's going to be produced by J.J. Abrams of "Alias," "Lost," and, let's not forget, "Felicity." They say it's going to be about Young Kirk and Young Spock. And there will be lots of talk about who's going to play them. Well the answer is obvious. No one can play Kirk but Shatner. Sure, he's, well, old. But we've got special effects now. And makeup. And maybe the young Kirk was a little heavier than he was in the Klingon-fighting years, before he went on a diet of space food. It's Shatner! He's won an Emmy! He could eat Michael Vartan for breakfast. You heard it here first...